so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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