Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
