My nipple is on Facebook.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
