Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Apparently you make a good broom.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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