I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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