you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
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