She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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