oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
