So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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