She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He shit in the fireplace
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
