seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
