when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
