I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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