Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
