I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
