I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
