so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
