you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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