That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
