he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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