the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
