i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
