ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
