Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
