I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
