I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
