when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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