There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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