can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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