I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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