I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
