hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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