That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
