Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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