How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
