She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
