I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just high enough for therapy.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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