i permit you to call me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
