Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
