She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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