Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
