If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
