Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
