I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
