Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
