rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
