his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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