What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
