My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
