I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
